Holding on to the last night

Garrett picked Damian up from the hospital this evening.  He fell asleep on the way home so he was blissfully sleepy when he came in the door.  I made sure the other kiddos were either asleep or in their rooms happily bribed with new iPad games.  I put him to sleep in my bed and left the room for about 15 minutes to make sure he fell asleep.  Then I curled up next to him and held him.  I cried those silent tears that only a grieving mother can cry.  Then I sat and just watched him sleep.  I marveled at his soft curly hair.  I thanked God and the universe for letting me be his mom.  I stayed as long as I could before the real tears came and I had to leave.

Tomorrow we will take Damian to Hillside, we will turn in the 65 pages of documents we have collected for them, we will entrust our son to them, we will sign documents limiting our legal rights as parents for the next 90 days.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”


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