Damian has been off his lithium for 3 days. No major issues yet but it is still early. He has been at Hillside for 15 days.
My stupid bronchitis turned into pneumonia and I can’t see him this weekend so I am sick and mad at being sick still.
Our family session on Tuesday went as expected. As in in, I expected it would be awkward and it was. Damian has been talking about how he loves being at hillside and wants to stay there. In his own words he has “more freedom” there. When the therapist pointed out that he couldn’t even go to the bathroom without permission and camera watches him while he sleeps, Damian simply responded “oh, well.” There is no arguing with logic like that.
Today Leah drew a picture of the family and Damian wasn’t in it. I feel defeated and unsure. How am I supposed to be a mom to him right now. For me being mom has always been a verb, my action, the doing of mom. Now I am a noun, a person, not doing, just being. I am struggling with the mindfulness of just being, it’s not in my nature, I am always doing, and now I am just not.