Let us remain

Damian came home during Spring Break to spend Tuesday-Thursday with a return to Hillside on Friday.

Tuesday and Wednesday were filled with laughter, dancing, quiet moments, movie nights and popcorn.

Thursday the honeymoon was over.  Like a storm forming in the distance on bright sunny day we could see it coming.  We tried to out run it, we tried to shelter in place, but it came nonetheless.  The black anger and the screaming winds blew from our son.  He was swept away with a force so great it still takes my breath away.  The emergency call was made to Hillside and 3 dedicated therapists tried to calm him, to coach him until the storm passed.  They were unsuccessful and he had to return to Hillside.  On Friday faced with the consequences of his actions, he fell back to self-harm, cutting jagged  lines on his arms with a piece of rock.

The discharge that was in place for two weeks, now has been blown away by the storm.

Garrett and I have been quiet today, caring for our other children with false pretense and consistency.  Each of us quietly torturing ourselves with questions of, “what” “why” and “how come”.  Reliving each moment of the storm over and over again.

Tomorrow will come and it will be easier than yesterday, but it will be another day without our son.

 

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