Little star

I stayed up until 2 am on Friday night to watch the meteor shower and wish on every one of those streaking little lights.

One of them must have worked because we had a good visit with Damian today.  He was calm and controlled throughout the 2 hour visit.  We loaded him with self praise (you should be so proud of yourself, etc) being ever so careful not to say we are proud of you.  We have learned the hard way that praise not directed to himself can be easily manipulated.  Example, “I don’t care if you like what I’m doing”.

At this point talking with Damian is a dance of emotion words.  Saying I miss him, gives him power over my emotions.  Saying I’m proud of him, gives him power to claim deniability.   Saying I’ll see you next week, evokes abandonment. His mind turns ordinary conversation into a battlefield.

Damian’s set discharge date is 11/15/16.  Which will mean that in the last 8 months he will have been at home for only 38 days.  September 13th will be the one year anniversary of his psychotic break.  He will have been in a Bipolar cycle without end for a full year.

Leaving him today was excruciating.  He held my hand until the last moment when they led him back behind 3 separate locked doors.

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