It has been two days with no suicide attempts. Our son is manic now, and I know that it isn’t right for me to be excited, but I am. Got to Skype with him today and he was rambling on about sunflower seeds for about 20 minutes. Sweet baby Jesus it was just nice to hear his voice and not have the dreaded suicide attempt calls for 2 whole days !!!
I was recently able to connect with someone from Our son’s past and now hopefully present. It brought such a beautiful smile to his face. He is still desperately struggling on a minute to minute basis. But I got to see that beautiful smile for a few minutes :)!
We visited “Little Big Man” on this past Sunday and we had to stay on the unit. Which means he is still on lock down. We technically were not supposed to be allowed to visit but I needed to see him. We had to have a nurse with us in this little locked room inside his unit house. I was able to hug him and at one point he laid his head on my shoulder. But he spoke in only 1 to 2 word sentences. Not even iPad games could cajole him into interacting with us. The daily phone calls of suicide attempts are becoming “normal” and my heart no longer races. In fact, it’s steady beat is frustratingly terrifying.
Sadly “Little Big Man’s” Bipolar cycled back to a “depressive” state on Friday. He began suicide attempts and self injury late Friday afternoon, he is back on “suicide watch” and has had 3 suicide attempts and 5 self-injury incidents since then. All visits are on hold again. We will still be able to skype with him during his therapy sessions.
As short as our respite was it was still so important. In that week we were able to sleep soundly and let hope fill us again. So many people continue to pray and offer our family love and support that it humbles us every day.
Our Go Fund Me campaign has been such a blessing and a source of purpose for the whole family. This afternoon several of the kiddos and I surrounded the computer and searched for therapeutic books. It was a great avenue for discussion and helped them see that many other people struggle with mental illness. Please continue to share our campaign! Click the link below!
We went to visit Damian this past Sunday and had fun on the playground! He interacted well with his sisters and spent quite a bit of time bonding with Leah. So sweet to see!
We are also so excited to report that after 6 weeks of continuous “suicide watch” he has finally made it onto a safety plan level (not attempted suicide for 6 days in a row)! Such a huge victory that makes all of us breathe a little easier.