I had to make another painful choice. Our oldest son Micheal will be getting married next weekend. “Little Big Man” will not be going. I could have gotten him a weekend pass and held firm in my “no man left behind” mantra, but I did not. I let my head dictate and chose. Parenting and finding balance for all really sucks sometimes.
Today I was able to speak with the deputy director of Gwinnett County Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS). She was wonderful and spoke frankly about what services they could possibly provide our family and Damian. The process to receive help from DFCS is anxiety inducing but we will continue on this path to ensure we have exhausted every option for help. Tomorrow a Gwinnett county DFCS worker will call to do an intake interview and refer our family to the Georgia Department of Child Protective Services (CPS). We are essentially referring ourselves for investigation. At that point our referral will most likely be “screened out” (determined to not meet eligibility for case review). All screened out CPS referrals are sent back to the Gwinnett county DFCS director. At which point the deputy director I spoke with today will request an exception and we will be randomly assigned a case manager. The case manager will then begin an investigation to ensure no abuse or neglect has occurred and develope a case plan to see what services could be offered.
Tomorrow I will be stating on paper that I am unable to care for my son and have not obtained appropriate mental health care for him. I will ask people who have ultimate decision powers with legal dispensation that allows them to offer no transparency to come into our lives/family and judge us.
Sacrifice the few to save the many.
We do this as a people everyday in our society, culture, communities, schools, hospitals, in times of need and want we prioritize lives.
On my knees everyday I have asked God and the universe to take this choice from me. To move the forces that create these dilemmas. To create an alternative.
“There is a runaway train racing down a track, there is a switch path ahead. If the train continues on its course it will kill 5 people. There is a lever on the train, if you pull that lever, the train will be diverted to another track that will kill 1 person. Do you pull the lever?”