Monthly Archives: August 2017


After 12 days at Willowbrooke Psychiatric Hospital “Little Big Man” was discharged today.  He had a quiet  afternoon at home. At around 7:30 tonight he asked to talk with us and apologized. We reviewed the house rules and let it go after that. We will leave further discussions for when the IFI team is here. He will be going to school tomorrow and has a safety meeting with Garrett and the school psychologist to redo his safety plan for at school.

The happy prison

“Little Big Man”s discharge was postponed from today until Friday.  He is refusing to speak to us even in therapy.  He is doing frustratingly well at the hospital but refuses to work with us.  Happy in his little prison, free from school or having to face reality.  How on earth do we compete with that?

71 days

  • It is with a heavy soul that I share that “Little Big Man” was admitted to Willow brook Psychiatric Hospital last night.  He has been struggling so much since I went back to work.  His first 2 days at school were good, but when I came home later than usual on Tuesday he was already in fighting mode.  Nothing could stop it, no distraction proved effective, he was gone.  We had avoided the hospital several times in the past 10 days but not this time.

All we can do now is pray that he does not choose to repeat his usual cycle.  He has not in the past 2 years stayed at home for more than 10 days after a   hospitalization.   His records of staying home only occurred after he was released from a residential facility not the hospital.  One hospitalization leads quickly to another, then another, then another which leads straight to residential care.

We are expecting a discharge date of Sunday or Monday.  The countdown will reset when he comes home.

Things I hate today…

  1.  Measuring my time with my son.
  2.   Hospitals where he can refuse to talk to us.
  3.  Having to repeat what happened last night to 5 different case managers.
  4. Having the emergency room staff say, “Hey ________” when we walk in the door.
  5. Having the emergency room security staff say “I’m not gonna go over the protocols cause you like must have them memorized by now”.
  6. Crying in front of my other children before I can race away to hide.
  7. Having yet another family meeting to try to explain why their brother hurts himself and others.
  8. Having no control.
  9. Having a new job where no one knows our story and having to answer “I’m fine”.
  10. Losing hope.

A puppy & praise

Today was rough and the crisis team was at our house from 3-6pm.  Nothing could stop the stream of anger that Damian was aiming at anyone near him.  I arrived home from work at 5:00 to an exhausted crisis team and husband who was beyond done.  I tried to distract, disrupt, and soothe for 45 minutes before leaving the room in tears and frustration.

I stepped outside to sit on the porch.  I looked up and saw our beautiful neighborhood with children playing and neighbors talking and for 1 quick second the jealousy rose to the surface like hot pain.  Then I got up and told the crisis team to carry Damian outside if they had to.

One of my most supportive neighbors has a new puppy and I asked if we could borrow her puppy for some love time with Damian.  I told Damian to come with me now and he begrudging went.  With the puppy in his arms this sweet woman went on to praise Damian for calming the puppy down with his gentle petting.  She continued to praise him the whole time and called out praise to him even as we were walking home.  She didn’t question or ask why, she just knew she just acted.  She and that puppy just ended a 3 hour crisis.  The village is strong and we are so blessed.  Thank you neighbor!

Ice cubes in milk

It’s midnight and the crisis team just left our house.  We managed to use emergency meds to help calm him down and fall asleep. .

Change is good if you don’t have a mental health disorder.  If you do, then change is a monumental, slaptastic, horrifying, nightmare inducing pain in the ass.  I started back to school this week.  He cannot cope with this change and has turned the family upside down again.

He has not slept since Tuesday night.  He stopped eating and now will only drink milk that has 3 ice cubes in it. Three ice cubes that he must thoroughly examine before placing them in the milk.

He has definitely begun a manic stage and we are going straight to the psychiatrist in the morning.

Prayers and good thoughts sent out into the universe needed please.