Have you ever watched a tv show or movie where the lead character is in the middle of a situation with people all around them. The people and noises become blurry and sound is amplified. The lead character seems to move in slow motion absorbed in their own thoughts while life swirls around them.
That is exactly how I felt all day December 24th & 25th. I was there wrapping presents, setting up the family traditions, talking to people, reading books to the kids, cooking and serving. But I felt removed in tangible neglect of the present.
Hyper aware of sounds and movement but lost to emotion. I know I was there doing what is routine in a scaffolded rhythmic pattern.
On the 24th I answered the phone to speak with my son. His voice was cheerful as if he had not a care in the world. My mind froze with anger a white hot mind numbing rage. I handed the phone to Garrett.
I love him and am bound by that love. But I am frustrated and disappointed. Unrequited love just sucks.